Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
