Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
