oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
