A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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