i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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