i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
