Just cropdusted the office
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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