I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
