Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
