so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
