i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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