So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
