I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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