Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
