You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
