I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
