and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
