my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
