Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
