you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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