my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dude. I can hear the air.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
