I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
