1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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