he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The best revenge is premature balding
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
