and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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