I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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