he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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