She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
