I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
