He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
