Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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