Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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