Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
