I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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