is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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