she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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