I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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