May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize