the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
