you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
