I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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