I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
