My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
