Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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