Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
