i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
