i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
