I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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