hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
