remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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