I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
