I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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