He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
