At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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