She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
