I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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