Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry ananya hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

Fav 8 987 7106
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?

Fav 11 4237 1194
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.

Fav 8 1148 4561
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors

Fav 8 5840 2296
share tweet
(504): View more from Louisiana

He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.

Fav 7 3848 1169
share tweet
(504): View more from Louisiana

Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.

Fav 14 2436 1025
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(347): View more from New York

He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

Fav 10 891 2607
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.

Fav 2 95 73
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.

Fav 0 66 10
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT