wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
