When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
