I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
