their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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