Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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