wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
