No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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