upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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