sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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