I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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