you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
