that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
