I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
