right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
