My room smells like vodka and shame
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
