I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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