fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
