Who wears a wallet chain?!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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