He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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