life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
